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remind me again

November 30th, 2003 · 1 Comment

that what is important to me is not always important to everyone else. and it won’t upset me when i asked someone to do me an important favor and it doesn’t get done, again. i just don’t want to have to think about it anymore. i want…i don’t know. i want to feel like i’m not the only one taking responsibility and picking up the slack and being the adult. i don’t wanna be your mother i didn’t carry you in my womb for nine months

just remind me again that what is important to me isn’t always important to others. so this way i won’t get offended when i have to reschedule something i’ve planned for the 4th time. and i won’t be hurt when it looks like there’s no good reason, again. and i won’t feel disparaged when it looks like people just don’t give enough of a care about me to trouble themselves enough to cooperate with each other. especially when i would for them ten times over. because friendships have been lost over less.

vlah. i’m waxing overdramatic. and i thought i gave up the idea of “fair” a long time ago.

just. remind me again to keep hoping, keep trusting. remind me that growing jaded will only hurt me. remind me not to take things so personally, and to keep a constitution like air, so if i can’t roll with the punches at least they don’t hurt me. remind me to put the importance on people, not their actions, and remind me that i screw up too. remind me to widen my field of view to the whole picture, so i can see that things even out over time, and not worry that i’ll have to do the reckoning. remind me that sometimes i’m the one taking and not giving all the time and remind me that i should use my strengths accordingly, and not begrudge others when their strengths lie in other areas. remind me where the lines lie between being taken advantage of and being a good friend, and remind me that i shouldn’t worry so much about those lines because everybody gets a turn. remind me to remember these things in the heat of discussion, and not say something i have to come back and mend later on, because it’s never as good as it once was and i need to quit fighting so hard, quit hurting myself and others.

and remind me to just enjoy myself when i’m on vacation, dammit.

love,
hannah

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1 response so far ↓

  • 1 terrible_rhi // Nov 30, 2003 at 12:47 pm

    Enjoy your vacation, dammit!

    And a part of the growing up/maturation process is becoming more serene when disappointed. i think, i could be wrong here. But it is so hard! I suspect that being obsessively independent and self reliant might be potentially damaging also, but for the moment I have found that it is working. But hard too.

    My hardest battle is remaining silent for a few moments longer to let my brain work out my response/rationalization for situations…..remembering that love is more important than grudges.

    oh. Enjoy your vacation!

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