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Holiday, a follow up

November 24th, 2012 · No Comments

We had our “holiday dinner” yesterday.  In keeping with our tradition of being a little lazy and celebrating a day late.  It was delicious.  Aaron made turkey drumsticks – seasoned with curry, garam masala, rosemary, salt, etc.  And then some browned butter mashed potatoes that were to DIE for out of the SK cookbook.  And, we might all very well die from cholesterol they contained with that amount of butter.  But, delicious.

I bought a turkey, also in tradition.  I couldn’t help myself. I mean really.   A 20 lb happy turkey for $20.  Ridiculous.

Today, I am enjoying a day at home reading In the Time of Butterflies and lounging in my pjs. Aaron took both kids to the Chicago Children’s Museum, which is a place we love so much that we actually bought a membership there. He posted this picture of Ari:

This is how I see her.  When I close my eyes, and imagine my daughter, this is the kind of image that comes to mind. So unshy, sparkling, luminous. She is radiant, and I love her with an intensity that makes me a little nervous.  Like maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to have something that I love this much.  Like it’s just inviting tragedy in to love so unabashedly. Temper it down, Hannah.  Settle.  She’s just…so great.  There is really no limit on the feelings, sometimes.  Like she could ask me to please hand her the moon and I would stumble over myself trying to do it.

To be fair to Knox, I was thinking of him earlier this morning, in much the same way.

Knox is a quieter dude.  I get the impression that he’s the more subdued of the two. I was reading, and reminiscing on his birth (since the book was talking about pregnancy, babies, etc.)  I don’t think I will ever get over that moment, when they put him on my chest and I said “A son, Oh My God, I have a son.”  I cry just thinking about it.  He has yet to really define his personhood in the same way, still in that “baby” form of personality.  But I catch glimpses of it every now and then and I think to myself, “Here is a child that’s mine.” I just get the sense that he’s like a little boy version of me in there.  Not vanity, just…the sensing of a kindred spirit.

Okay, journal. Thanks for listening.  I feel like I can pour some of this love into you, sometimes, without dispersing.  Like keeping a little pocket of warmth for later.

Love,

Hannah

Tags: Arianna · Knox