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Smoking.

October 7th, 2012 · No Comments

I’m a smoker again. It started with more of those “have a cigarette with friends while drinking” and progressed to buying a pack – just for the weekend, and finally to being unable to go past the end of the pack without buying another.

The key difference, of course, between now and the last time that happened would be children. I can’t even really enjoy it because I don’t want to do it around them, and they live here. What’s worse is that I’ve tried several times to stop and failed.  So, in another attempt, a list of reasons why I don’t want to do this.

List:

I breastfeed my baby.
I set a bad example for my little girl.
Every time I buy a pack I convince myself more that I am not in control of my life.
I am constantly choosing to go smoke instead of spend time with my children.
I’ve quit running.
I have a great life that I shouldn’t shorten with a crappy habit.
I feel more tired all the time.
I have lowered the bar for what I consider to be a healthy choice.
Secondhand smoke is bad for my family.
I’m not breastfeeding as much and I risk weaning as a result.
It’s expensive, and things are tight right now.
I am ashamed to do it in front of people whose opinion matters to me.
It makes me irritable.
It breaks my day into “time between cigarettes” instead of letting life flow naturally.
It makes my hands cold all the time.
It’s cold outside and I don’t like going to stand out there.
It controls my thoughts.

These are just a few, and Knox is awake now so I need to go get him.  But I will add more to the list as I go.

Hannah

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